Meanderings of a College Student

Another Switch

2009-08-02T20:34:00.001-07:00

Going to stop using this blog and go exclusively to my Jenness Journal seeing that I work there now and am no longer in college (at least not at CBU).

Check it out at www.jennessjournal.blogspot.com. Update it sometime.... maybe.

April 5, 2009

2009-04-05T19:06:00.000-07:00

Another week has gone by and I'm one week closer to getting my Bachelors degree. Four more...
This really has nothing to do with my blog for tonight, but it's true nonetheless.

Why, you may be asking yourself, did he just open this blog with that statement if it has nothing to do with the rest of the blog? The answer to that my dear friend is that I really have no idea how else to open this blog. As I am typing this I don't even know what to title this blog. What I do know is what it will be about, so I might as well delve into it already...

I'm going to try something new tonight, writing this in a sort of dialogue with myself. I don't mean a conversation, I mean how it sounds in my head before I put it on paper (figuratively of course). This is the very internal struggle that passes through the mind of Michael Jewell on a daily basis.

What's on my mind on this fine evening is relationships; all sorts, ranging from friends to family, even into the realm of marriage (not mine of course). This past weekend I went home to Yuba City to attend my parents wedding. After four years of being divorced (and even longer being separated) my parents have supposedly reconciled their differences and were remarried on Thursday April 2, 2009.
Now wait just a minute there buddy. Was that a supposedly I saw there in that sentence?
Why yes, yes it was. Let me explain.
When your world is shattered by something like your parents divorce it can really make you question institutions such as marriage and can make you doubt the people who you trusted before. That's what happened to me and I'm still recovering from that blow. I say that they have supposedly reconciled because I really don't know or understand what was, is, or ever will be going through their heads. I don't understand how such a mighty person of faith in your life (my father in this case) could have fallen to such depths as to cause such a schism within our family, and I don't understand how someone could ever truly recover from such a fall. That's what makes me doubt it all.
Forgiveness is also a huge factor that I can't seem to get my head around, especially for my mom. Something she told me really sticks in my head though. I talked to her about everything and one thing she said was that she came to a point that she just wasn't angry any more. That really shocked me. My mom, the scourge of my childhood (no offence mom) not holding on to the anger. Wow. Not much more I can say.
Don't get me wrong. I think it is the biblical thing to do; the only right thing. Yet the human in me tends to get the better of me and makes me doubt things will last. I really hope it does though. I don't want to have to bring my kids to see their grandparents in two separate places. I want to be able to show my kids what a biblical model of parenting is, and for them to see it reflected in their grandparents. Yet, I once again think that things can't last, that someone can never truly get over such a traumatic event.
One glimmer of hope remains within me though in regards to my parents remarriage: that on the night of their marriage I saw such joy and passion in my mother's eyes that I've never seen before. I hope that remains forever...

Well, that was a lot longer than I though it would be, I guess the rest will have to wait until later. I have finally settled on a title for this blog though, today's date. Simple. Concise. And I have no idea what else to call it. Look for my next blog on friendship and other relationships coming in the next week.

Hope Springs Eternal

2009-03-15T21:40:00.001-07:00

Rather than doing some homework (I am on spring break after all) I decided to write a new blog that I've been contemplating for the past couple of days. In case you don't know, my favorite movie of all time is "The Shawshank Redemption" (which everyone should see) and recently I read the short story, "Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption" by Stephen King, which is what the movie is based on. Reading these things and looking at one of my previous posts got me thinking more in depth about hope: what it is and why we care so much about it. For this post I'm going to focus on 1 Corinthians 13, and we'll see where it goes from there.

Paul, in 1 Corinthians 13:13 states that, "And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity." It seems to me that we have always focused on charity (love, agape) as the preeminent Christian virtue (and I do think it is extremely important), yet we fail to look at the other two, faith and hope. Well, I'm going to look at hope.

Hope is what keeps us all going. Hope is what lets us see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hope, in many respects, is all we have. We hope that we have eternal salvation, we hope that when we die we will be in paradise, we hope that Jesus even existed. Without hope our faith, and therefore our love that flows from said faith, would be void. In case you've never seen "The Shawshank Redemption" it tells the story of Andy Dufresne, an unjustly imprisoned man who never gives up hope of one day being free. The story is narrated by Red, a fellow prisoner and close friend of Andy's. Here's a couple of quotes from the movie:
Andy Dufresne: That's the beauty of music. They can't get that from you... Haven't you ever felt that way about music?
Red: I played a mean harmonica as a younger man. Lost interest in it though. Didn't make much sense in here.
Andy Dufresne: Here's where it makes the most sense. You need it so you don't forget.
Red: Forget?
Andy Dufresne: Forget that... there are places in this world that aren't made out of stone. That there's something inside... that they can't get to, that they can't touch. That's yours.
Red: What're you talking about?
Andy Dufresne: Hope.

And here's another:
Red: Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.

Throughout the movie Andy never gives up hope, and it's something that he tries to teach Red throughout the film. Red uses the excuse of becoming an "institutionalized man," saying that he could never make it on the outside any more. Andy slowly makes him realize that it was all a mindset, that it was all self-imposed, that it was only because he had lost hope.

The book closes with these phrases:
I hope Andy is down there.
I hope I can make it across the border.
I hope to see my friend and shake his hand.
I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams.
I HOPE.

By the end of the story/movie Andy has made Red see the value of hope, the worth of hope.

Hope is what makes the world go around (along with many other things), and without hope life would be pointless. I know that over the past year hope has been what has gotten me through the days. Hope is what makes me crazy sometimes, yet at the same time hope is what brings me back. Hope is the only thing keeping me from becoming a complete pessimist. I hope for a lot of things...
I hope that this semester ends soon.
I hope I can get my diploma.
I hope to get out of Southern California.
I hope to see my family together again.
I hope that there really is some purpose for my life.
I hope that the mountains are as green as I remember them.
I HOPE.

Pondo Pondering #5

2009-03-10T20:22:00.000-07:00

Well, last weekend was my last weekend of working at Ponderosa Pines. Really nothing new. I didn't do anything new with the kids this week and didn't really make any new observations.

With this being the last weekend, I decided to make some general observations about Pondo. If anyone from Pondo happens to read this, I don't mean any of these as negative criticism, merely observations from someone who truly loves and believes in Christan camping ministry. First off, I really think that there should have been more training. We had a "training" weekend but it really wasn't any sort of training. It was more of an in-service work weekend, and as such I felt completely unprepared for the first two weekends of camp. It made things so much harder and increased the worry ten fold. Second, I think that there needed to be more consistency. Especially for the first four weekends or so, we changed up jobs and times a lot. I understand that with camp ministry you need to be flexible, but consistency builds efficiency. Next, inconsistencies in the schedule could have caused some major conflicts, with the master schedule being different from our individual schedules in many aspects. Lastly, I felt that things were really loose, which was a general feeling for the entire camp. Rules and regulations seemed lax, if almost non-existent, especially in regards to the kitchen. When rules were enforced they were sporadic and inconsistent. Also, health codes were definitely being broken in the kitchen, which seems to me to pose a large problem.

Overall though, I really felt that working at Pondo was an excellent experience. I met some great, God-seeking people, with a servants heart. I've learned some new tricks and idea, and have found some things that I would change if I were in charge. Though I must say that it's nice to have my weekends back, I'm glad that I worked at Pondo for the winter.

Pondo Pondering #4

2009-02-22T20:56:00.000-08:00

Once again this week we had a Jr. High only camp. I took more time this week to really apply a little bit of what I've learned in my Ministry with Youth class to these kids. Kind of a verification of some of the stuff I've been learning about.

First, a quick little story that I found rather amusing. I was up in the game room watching the kids play Wii and ping pong and I had one kid who was really ok at ping pong. He kept trying to down play how well he played, just so he get people to play so that he could beat them. He played a kid or two, defeating each one of them pretty easily, but then another kid came up stairs and said that he'd play. I think that the first kid thought it would be another easy win, but the second kid obviously (or at least obviously to me) knew how to play. As such the first kid played rather sloppy at first until rather than hustling this kid like all the others, he was being hustled. It was just really interesting to watch.

Back to my observations for the weekend. The first thing I noticed was that these kids were definitely in their little groups and clicks. For anyone who works with younger children, you've probably noticed that kids don't do this as much. Don't get me wrong, they do get into groups, but rarely is it based off of commonality. A child can have one friend one day and another the next. It isn't until they start to reach that level around Jr. High that I've observed that they get into their little clicks that are usually based on similar likes (or dislikes). I saw little groups of "geeks," "preps," and any other click you could think of in the makings at camp this weekend. I'm not even sure these kids noticed that they were doing it. I think of all the things, the fact that they might not have been aware of it caught my attention the most. When I hang out, I know why I hang out with these people, yet these kids seemed oblivious to it. They just naturally gravitated towards a specific group of people.

Another thing that really stood out to be was the kids being competitive. At every event or activity the kids were always trying to make it into a competition. Doing so is natural to all people, but it just really stood out to me this weekend. There was always someone trying to establish dominance in whatever they were doing, from playing Wii or ping pong, to soccer or dodgeball. I think that as we get older we learn to control (or at least mask) this want to dominate others, unless it serves a purpose in letting it out.

One final thing of note was how much more active and daring the girls were. I ran the tube run for two of the three times that it was open and there was easily a 3-1 ratio of girls and guys. Now this could be just because there were more girls than guys, but I thought the ratio was pretty even. My thoughts on the issue is that at that stage of development (11-13 years old or so) the girls are at a more mature stage. We all know that girls start to develop earlier than guys, so these Jr. High girls could just be more mature that their male counterparts. Either way, it was rather obvious to me that the guys were much less daring than the girls. Not only did I have more girls participate in events and the tube run, but the girls were much more likely to do something like wanting to go backwards or get spinned.

Growing Young

2009-02-15T21:25:00.001-08:00

This past weekend while working at camp I happened to listen to my Rich Mullins music, which I don't think I've done in some while. It got me thinking, really thinking. In case you didn't know, I used to really love Rich Mullin's music (in fact I own every studio album he ever released), but I really haven't listened to his music in a while. When I say listen to his music, I mean REALLY listen to it, analyze it, learn from it, find the deeper meaning behind it. One of my favorite songs is "Growing Young" which is found on his album "The World as Best as I can Remember it Volume 2."

Here's the chorus:
And everybody used to tell me big boys don't cry
Well I've been around enough to know that that was the lie
That held back the tears in the eyes of a thousand prodigal sons
Well we are children no more, we have sinned and grown old
And our Father still waits and He watches down the road
To see the crying boys come running back to His arms
And be growing young
Growing young

You may now be asking yourself "why would you put that there, and why should I care?" Well, the answer is that it puts forth a rather nice analogy (or metaphor, not really sure which is right) for our fallen state. We were once pure, or in the words of this song, children, yet we are now "growing old" due to our sin. Think about the innocence of childhood; it's the perfect expression of a lack of sin. I'm not saying that children don't sin, we all know that they do, but for the most part they have an overwhelming sense of naivety or innocence. Jesus himself said that we needed to have the faith of a child. Mark 10:15 (New King James Version) states, "15 Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.” Likewise, Luke 18:17 (New King James Version) states, "17 Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.”

The bridge to the song states:
And when I thought that I was all alone
It was your voice I heard calling me back home
And I wonder now Lord
What it was that made me wait so long
And what kept You waiting for me all that time
Was Your love stronger than my foolish pride
Will You take me back now, take me back and let me be Your child

As we grow older (both in the physical sense and spiritual sense) we tend to rely more on ourselves. It's a fact of life. It's funny actually, we feel that we are more independent, yet it is in our old(er) age that we should rely more on God. We face greater trials and tribulations as we progress through life, yet we feel we can deal with them on our own. It is, as the bridge states, our own foolish pride that keeps us from seeking help from God. Rather, we need to remember that we his children, and like children we should rely on him.

The song concludes with:
'Cause I've been broken now, I've been saved
I've learned to cry, and I've learned how to pray
And I'm learning, I'm learning even I can be changed
...
And be growing young
Growing young
Growing young

It may seem contradictory to state that we need to be learning to grow young, but it rings all to true. We need to always be learning; it is when we think that we know everything and that we are no longer teachable that we truly begin to grow old. Rather, we need to be growing young in our relationship with God, growing young through our faith in him.

Pondo Pondering #3

2009-02-15T21:03:00.000-08:00

Not really anything new this week. As such I feel like going on a tangent.

I noticed (and have always noticed, especially in a camp setting) that emotions tended to run high at camp this weekend. I know that I'm really just stating the obvious here (seeing that we call emotional highs "mountain top moments") but I really am going somewhere with this. For those who know me, you know that I tend to lean towards the more reserved side of things in regards to emotions, and to tell you the truth it has always fascinated me to see these kids act that way. I don't get it, I really don't. Emotions seems to temporal and fake to me. We assume that you aren't praising God if you don't raise your hands or stand up. One thing that drives me crazy is when speakers say something like "if you love Jesus say amen" or "everyone stand up" during a service or "worship" time. It makes the people who don't do those things seem unspiritual or something. To get to my point, I've just seen so many kids act all emotional and make decisions (falsely?) during these emotional highs, only to have no change in their lives. They allowed their passions to rule them during that mountain top moment, but never took that passion to the deeper level of reasoning. Therefore, when they got off that high, they continued to allow their passions to rule them, and of course our passions are naturally evil. I'm not saying that emotions are always bad, merely that we need to take it to the next level, that of true commitment. I believe that we have an intelligent and practical faith. When we keep our faith on the level of passions or emotions, we can never truly get to the heart of our faith and see the true purpose of our lives.

One thing that pertains more closely to this weekend at camp is that I really don't understand the kids who run up to the front and jump around and the likes. What difference is there between a secular concert and that? Are they really praising God? I can't rightly answer that, but my gut feeling tells me no. Are they really listening to and analyzing the words to the songs when they're up front? Again, I doubt it. What good are these "christian" songs that are meant to praise the Lord if we don't really think about what we are singing? The answer is that they are worthless. As true believers, I believe that we should all be conscious of what we sing, especially in a church setting. Many of the songs out there right now lack any real theological or doctrinal basis, or they just don't make any sense. Many times these kids are singing a song that has no relationship to Christianity, yet it has a "positive" message so we let it slip. I am of the firm opinion that we need to be aware of the "word within the words" of the songs that we are singing and know when a song doesn't match up with our Christan beliefs.

Pondo Ponderings #2

2009-02-09T12:40:00.001-08:00

To start us off I figured I would recount what a typical weekend looks like at Pondo:

Friday: Get to Pondo around 4pm, work in the kitchen, do some set up, and run the tube run.

Saturday: Bus tables, get the skis/snowboards, dishes, run games such as soccor and sled races, more dishes, set up and clean up, and finally run the tube run again.

Sunday (my favorite day): serve breakfast, set up things, clean cabins, and pick up trash.

Nothing really special, but that's a typical weekend. Get up at 7 each morning and don't get to bed until around midnight.

This week was a really interesting week for me at Ponderosa Pines. The whole group this week (all 190 or so campers) were jr. highers and their leaders. As such, I'm going to make some sweeping generalizations (which is a logical fallacy) about them. First, I noticed that they were much louder and full of energy, especially in regards to the worship service. It was weird; at some moments they would all just stand there, then at others they would be jumping up and down and running to be in front of the stage. I haven't really noticed this with the high school or mixed groups, but it was definitely evident in these kids. They also seemed more willing to participate, but only in the structured events that they didn't have to plan for. They seemed to need to be told what to do, directly, or they wouldn't do anything. This leads to the next point, common logic and reasoning. This is perhaps the thing I noticed the most. They couldn't seem to understand basic inductive thinking. Let me give an example: after the meals the kids are supposed to clear their plates and the likes from the tables and put them in these bins. Even after we told them to and showed them, they couldn't ever remember to do it. It just seems that basic common sense that it I see the leaders putting away their dishes that I can deduce that I am supposed to do the same thing. Yet these kids couldn't seem to comprehend such a simple line of logic. They also seemed to lack common sense in other areas. Take our fires for example. Kids gathered around them to stay warm, yet I saw kids throwing snow into them. I questioned one child about it and he said that he noticed that the flames changed when he threw the snow in, therefore in ought to do so to keep the fire going (and he was serious). It seems to me that if you are cold and wet, and want to get warm, they should use common sense and realize that snow is water and water puts out fire. Yet this child again couldn't follow such a basic line of reason.

Before the weekend began my fellow workers were talking about how crazy this weekend would be, and I would have to disagree. They based this statement on the fact that these were jr. highers, and though I would agree it was different I would never say it was harder (or easier) that any other week. I guess that many youth workers aren't really used to working with jr. highers, so they automatically dream up the worse.

Idealism

2009-02-05T07:43:00.001-08:00

This is kind of weird for me, posting 2 new blogs in less than a week (or really more than a couple in a month) but I needed somewhere to put down some thoughts. These aren't really anything but self confessions and evaluation, but they may serve to be useful to others.

As the title states, this is about idealism. I used to be an idealist, especially in regards to the Christian Church and related matters. I used to think that someday I would have no need of money, that I could live in some sort of monastic-style community. I used to believe that the idealistic ministry would be that of a single, without anything to tie me down. I used to believe in better things, that the world could be perfect. Not any more. I admit, many things I believed were just the innocence of childhood and adolescence, but many of the ideas I had were great ideas, ideas of what Christianity should look like. Unfortunately time moves on and the one constant in this world is change. Circumstances happen that reshape our entire worldview. These past four years of college have been one of those times. My first semester of college was a time of thinking things over, especially with the recent divorce of my parents. When I moved on to CBU my ideas also changed (but I'll get more into that later). Take my whole staying single thing, that was just me being naive, though I still believe that God calls some to this task (just not me anymore, I hope). That's just one of things that change over time. On the other hand I used to believe that I could live without the need for money. I still dream of that one day. Being able to give back all I have to others who have need, yet I know now that this is impossible. Our world is much to obsessed with money and property, and because of this the only way for me to be effective is to meet them on their own level.

If there is anything that California Baptist University has done for me though, it's suck away my hope for this world. I've seen some of the best and worst Christians on this green earth here, and am both encouraged and appalled by it. I've seen what a corrupt administration can do to people, and how little a lone person can do against such a monster. My ideas of the Christian community have been shattered, in that I no longer believe in any sort of idealistic Christian community. I've gone from being an idealist to being a pessimist, which is all too obvious in my life. All in all though, I am appalled at the apathy that has settled within myself towards mankind.

What to do, what to do, what to do? Will things change once I've graduated from CBU? I hope so. Will I ever regain that idealism? I doubt it. My ending question for this blog is an open invitation to anyone who reads this blog, "How can a true Christian cope with such filth and corruption in this world, how can we stand up for what we believe in (or once believed in) and still function in this world without losing hope?"

I don't want any BS churchy answers. Give me tangible evidence, give me practicality. God may be there, but sometimes it sure doesn't seem that way. I want how a human being can cope with things that are so much larger than themselves. I want hope.

Yes... Hope...

Pondo Ponderings

2009-02-02T16:43:00.000-08:00

We shall call this multi-blog series "Pondo Ponderings" because for the past 4 weekends and for the next 5 weekends I'm going to be working at Ponderosa Pines Christian Camp for their winter youth camp. I also like to use alliteration, so the title is going to stick. Mostly though, I'm going to use this blog series to keep track of what I've learned and done at camp so that when it comes time for me to write a paper for my Ministry with Youth class I'll be able to look back and see my thoughts when they were much fresher.

I chose to wait for 4 weeks to pass to start this because I didn't want to make any false observations about Pondo, seeing that I was new to the camp and in unfamiliar territory. Now that 4 weeks have passed though I feel confident in making some observations. This first paragraph of observations will consist of a sort of compare/contrast with Jenness Park (see my Jenness Blog @ www.jennessjournal.blogspot.com). I'm doing this only for this first blog, and mostly because Jenness is the only other camp I have experience at. First off, Jenness is about twice as large as Pondo, with Pondo maxing out at around 250 campers. The staff is obviously much smaller than Jenness and the location is much closer to a large city than Jenness. It took me a few weeks to finally be able to figure out what positions the full time staff held, and which ones were actually full time vs those who were part time. The structure of the camp and the adjoining hierarchy was also very different than Jenness, in that it seemed much more lax and unofficial. Lax; that's a good term I'd use for the camp in general. Don't get me wrong, the camp is well run and staffed, yet things that I know would never happen at Jenness (and for good reason) happen all the time at Pondo. I don't really want to go into details on this (trying not to shoot myself in the foot by insulting my employer), but we'll leave it at that, lax...

On to the real purpose of this blog, my experience with the youth. So far we've had 2 weeks of mixed jr/sr high and one week of sr high only. Honestly I could hardly tell the difference between the different weeks. Youth are youth, and act as such. There really isn't that big of a difference between an 8th grader and a freshmen. I did notice differences in the older youth and the younger though, with the older ones being much more open to talking to others and socializing (for the most part) and the younger ones being much more like a herd of some sort. I also noticed that many times the younger kids would follow or migrate with the older ones, kind of tagging along. One thing that really stuck out to me this past week (and slightly the week before) was the loners. It was really interesting. Three kids in particular caught my attention, two last week and one the week before. The one was a girl who I would notice kind of following others at a distance, like she was an outcast who was trying to belong to the herd. I really didn't know what to make of it. I saw her on numerous occasions trailing behind a larger group of kids, yet she never really did anything with them or tried to join in. This past weekend I noticed two kids who were by themselves and as such drew attention to themselves by acting odd. One was probably a sophomore is high school by his looks, and was throwing snowballs at kids on the zipline. Now, I can understand some good natured violence (even if I don't approve), yet this kid was out for blood. He threw the well formed balls of compacted snow at the kids on the zipline, and aimed for the head, going for the kill shot (almost literally). I was shocked with the apparent evilness of this child. I actually had to step in and stop this kid from throwing the snow balls so that he wouldn't hurt anyone, after which he just disappeared. It's amazing what sort of cruelties kids can inflict on one another, ranging from the emotional scarring we all receive as kids to the actual physical acts of senseless violence like this kid at camp. The final child that I noticed was one that ended up sitting all by his self. It was really weird. I mean, I'm a loner myself so I can appreciate being alone, but this kid just seemed out of place. He sat their with all the hub of activity around him, seemingly oblivious to the world at large. He even got up and walked around a bit, only to return to his stupor. Again, I have no idea what to make of this.

Well, this concludes blog number one of my Pondo Ponderings series, we'll see what sort of adventures I have in the weeks to come.

Some Holiday Clarification

2008-12-07T17:29:00.000-08:00

I felt the need to clarify some of my holiday feelings after a call from my mom. Let me put simply; the holidays are overrated. The holidays are a poor excuse for people to act silly, give and receive gifts, and to ease their conscience by giving to the needy during this time and at no other. Don't get me wrong, there are some real altruistic people who have a genuine sense of charity, yet for the vast majority of us, it's just fake. I think the notion of giving just because it's Christmas to be absurd; we should give all the year long.

Therefore, the holidays, for me, hold very little value. It's a time of hustle and bustle, where people tend to get on my nerves more. I do enjoy the festive nature of things during this time, such as the lights and trees, but they aren't religious in any way to me. I don't see this as negative, merely neutral. As I said in my previous blog, the holidays are really for the kids. Kids are young and naive, they haven't (or at least hopefully haven't) seen the hard truths that life can throw at us. We should all learn from the kids, and maybe, for just a short time, we can forget during these holidays this aweful world we live in. And if we can't do this for ourselves, we should at least protect the children from this cruel world as long as possible.

Back to a Reason (Part II)

2008-12-04T18:59:00.000-08:00

Well, this post is entitled so after a Trans-Siberian Orchestra song which states, "Got to get back to a reason, got to get back to a reason I once knew, and this late in the seasons, one by one distractions fade from view."

Why you may ask, did I choose this to base my blog upon? The answer is that I've been thinking a lot about the whole Christmas thing, the "reason for the season." I've been looking for a reason for the holidays, mostly because they seem so pointless to me. Family is nice to see, but it's just not that big of a deal; the whole giving thing blows my mind because we should be doing so all year around; and finally the whole Jesus thing is overrated. Christmas seems to me to be a false holiday because it (just like most Christian holidays) are derived from pagan tradition. I'm not saying that it makes the meaning void, merely that limiting it to a single day or season is belittling Jesus. It just doesn't seem special to me, we should always be in the "holiday spirit." I also searched for an answer in the selfless giving of alms, rather than giving overpriced presents that no one really wants, yet I found nothing there either. My family didn't go along with it (besides Daniel) and it really kind of lost momentum.

So I continued on my quest for the meaning of it all. I was talking with my buddy Michael and we came to remembering the "good old days" of childhood holidays. It was then that I figured out what the reason of the whole holiday season is; it's for the kids. Some of my best times were as a child during the holiday season. Even though I never really appreciated it then, I really did enjoy those days. So, for me, at least for now, the reason for the holidays is to see the joy of kids. Makes me really want to move on in life, start a family, and see the joy in my own children's eyes. Kids are so innocent and naive, they are ignorant of the horrors of this world and all the problems that come with knowledge and awareness. It's during the holiday season that this seems to come out the most, we get to see them have that joy when they have Christmas with the family or when they open their presents on Christmas morning.

Well, that's it for now. Found my purpose for the time being. Hopefully I'll get to have a better holiday season because of it, but I doubt it.

Thanksgiving Supplemental

2008-11-29T13:21:00.000-08:00

Well, like I said in my last blog, I think I'm going to add to my "Thanksgiving Part 2 'Rebuttal.'" A couple of posts ago I wrote about change, and this idea seems to come back to me while thinking about my holiday experience so far. With my parents trying to get back together I thought things would change, but they didn't. My brother is still arrogant, my sister is still lazy, my mom is still controlling, and my dad is still too easy. Thanksgiving was just like it used to be, before the divorce, boring and uneventful. Nothing happened and I probably spent just as much time working on putting up decorations and the tree as I did actually eating the meal. The meal was fairly quiet, with there just being basic chatter, and ended quickly. I thought things would be different,that we could perhaps be a real family. What that means, I have no idea, I just know that things don't feel different or special anymore. Makes me miss my childhood, when things seemed special, even magical. We used to meet and have Thanksgiving with my dad's whole family, which was nice because I hardly saw the rest of my relatives, which made it special and interesting when we did get together. I really hope that I have kids someday so that I can hopefully let them experience the joy I had as a child. I could even relive some of my childhood through their eyes.

Well, there's always Christmas....

Thanksgiving Part 2 "Rebuttal"

2008-11-27T17:24:00.000-08:00

So, the Holiday wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. No arguments broke out and we had a calm, almost silent, Thanksgiving meal. Nothing special, just turkey, potatoes, some vegetables, and sparkling cider. Kind of wish I had a larger immediate family so that there would be more people here, rather than having to socialize and interact with my parents or siblings. Because I got bored with my family I decided to come in here and write a bit about the holiday seasons.

Personally I think that they are overrated. It's all so commercialized (and no, I don't care about the "real" meaning of the holidays, they've always been like that) that it's really depressing. I hate going out into the city and having to deal with all the holiday shoppers. Right now my family is deciding where and when to go out tomorrow morning and get all the Black Friday deals, but to me it all seems ridiculous. I own everything I need and most of what I want, so I have no purpose in going out super early, which means I'm sleeping in tomorrow.

Really don't have anything else to say right now, maybe I'll write another blog when I get back to CBU on Saturday, after everything has really settled down and I've had time to digest my thoughts.

Thanksgiving Part 1 "Home"

2008-11-24T09:38:00.001-08:00

This is going to be part one of my thanksgiving week blog, the pre-thanksgiving portion. I think I'll open it with the chorus of one of my favorites songs by Simon and Garfunkel,
"Homeward bound, I wish I was, Homeward bound, Home where my thoughts escaping, Home where my music's playing, Home where my love lies waiting Silently for me."
We'll just kind of scratch that last part, about the love... seeing that I unfortunately don't have one waiting for me.... well, onward we go.

What really defines a home? Is it a place, an idea, or merely some idealistic notion? I've been known to say that, like Jesus, I do not have a home; yet on numerous occasions I call places home. I call Jenness Park home during the summer, I call my apartment at CBU home during the school year, and I call the Yuba/Sutter area home at when people ask me where I'm going for Thanksgiving. So, are any of these truly my home? I really don't think so. For me, home is just a place of residence for a period of time. It's wherever I happen to lay my head at the end of the day. Seems a bit sad. I would love to have somewhere to call "home," a place where I can really feel safe, secure, a place of permanence. But, as is the custom with college, I spend my time split between various places throughout the state of California. Hopefully after I graduate this May I'll be able to move on and call somewhere home.

Well, as to the holiday, it could prove to be rather awkward. For the first time is something like 5 years, my family will be together for Thanksgiving (and Christmas too). With this whole reconciliation thing, it could just be crazy. Personally, though I believe it to be the right way, I have a hard time visualizing it. My dad is thousands of miles away and will be for some time, and it seems my mother is bogged down with just living. We'll see, only time will tell (or so I tell myself).

We'll see, we'll see. Looking forward to part two of this blog, where I'll go over my ponderings on what happened over thanksgiving.

Is This Life?

2008-11-17T18:40:00.001-08:00

Pretty crazy week so far, and it's only Monday. Interesting week too. Some things I've been thinking about too. I know that this is a weird introduction, but we'll get somewhere sometime.

I have a habit of, when walking alone, to mumble to myself that "this is the life I've been allotted." Not really sure why or where I got the idea from, but I wonder, is it really true? Is this the life I've been allotted? What does that even mean. Then I go deeper, into the sovereignty of God, by asking "is this the life that God has allotted me?" To tell you the truth, I question that sometimes. Does God even care about our petty lives. The Bible tends to make me believe so; tends to make me beleive in a sovereign God who acts in our world, for better. Yet my logic and observations make me question this. A teacher's house burns down, I see a friend hurting, I see all the problems in the world, and I wonder, can a God that allows such things happen be good? Many have said that it is because of mankind's sin and corruption that such things happen, yet at the same time they say God is in control. That my dear, is a circular argument, which is a logical fallacy. You can't acknowldge the soverienty of God and still believe in free will. You just can't.

This brings me to my next point. Suffering. People say it's character buidling, but I beg to differ. I espouse that rather than character building, it is character changing, for better or for worse. I've been told that it is through such suffering that we become better people, or that God can use said suffering for good. Yet the question is asked, why did it have to happen in the first place? Is God some sadistic diety who likes to watch people suffer? Sure seems that way sometimes. I've seen bad things happen to the best of people, and just don't understand it.

I have no clue where I'm going with this. Just needed somewhere to put some thoughts down. It's a sad, cold, despair-filled world that we live in now. Yet, at the same time all we can do is hope. Hope for something better; hope for a new life, someday, somehow; hope that we will all come to know what true charity is...

Disappointed

2008-11-13T10:20:00.000-08:00

This week we had a senior forum, a time when seniors could come together and talk about upcoming events and concerns. At the forum I brought up the issue that $18,000 is going to build a statute as the senior gift. Personally this idea appalls me. So much money gone to such a petty idea. Something temporal, that will rot, and who's only goal is to look pretty. So I brought up the idea that we should either get the money back or give it to charity. Below is a copy of my original email I sent to all the seniors:

Dear Fellow Seniors and Whomever this may Concern,
Do we have to give a gift? I'm not joking. Could the money being donated be given back to the students? I'm assuming that the money comes from sort of fund set aside when the budgets were composed, which means that it likely comes from our tuition. How about we just get the money back. Statutes and the likes can be nice, but they seem like a waste of money. Or, even better, how about the money goes to some worthy cause, like world hunger or some other relief organization. Then I could feel good about my money going somewhere worthy of the Kingdom of God. Either way, I disapprove of the money being wasted on some statute that will just eventually rot and really doesn't do anything besides "looking pretty."

At the meeting, the class representatives were very unreceptive to my idea, even though many people spoke out in favor of it. I was told to talk to the Dean of Students, and am still awaiting a reply.

Since sending the email I have gotten many an email stating that they support my idea, yet a few were very unsupportive. One said that I needed to think to the future, while another stated that I needed to get off my high horse. My question is, what is wrong with these people? Statute or feeding the poor? Which one do you think is the better? I really wonder how some of these people sleep at night being aware of these things. Well, I may add to this after I've talked with the Dean, but until then I bid you farewell.

PS
They played this video in chapel yesterday about the Advent Conspiracy. I encourage anyone to check it out at: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=eVqqj1v-ZBU

The Shack

2008-10-28T13:47:00.000-07:00

I just got done reading "The Shack" and felt the need to do some sort of review of it. I'll tell you right off the back, I came into this biased. I have never cared for "Christian" books, especially ones like this, and I only read it because my mother gave me a copy for my birthday.

To start it off, "The Shack" has been on the NYT Bestseller list for 22 weeks and is presently at the number one slot. The first and greatest thing that bothered me about the book was the theology presented within. Unfortunately many people never take the time to read the Bible and just don't know what good theology is and will pick up this book and think what it says is true. The portrayal of God within the book lacked in several aspects, the most important of these to me was the trinity as tritheism rather than a single entity. The book emphasized how each person was different and separate from the other. In the book they seemed like 3 separate Gods who just had really good relations with one another. If you throw in the personification of wisdom, Sophia, that was in the book you could almost say that the book portrayed 4 gods. The fact that the book portrayed God as a woman didn't bother me that much, but I think it would have been better if God had been portrayed either as a man the whole time or as some sort of non-discriminate personification. God is spirit and not limited to our menial methods of discernment, and therefore shouldn't really be thought of as anything. If anything though, the Bible clearly calls God "abba, father" which is masculine, so if we are going to address God beyond "God" I pretty firmly believe it should be masculine.

Another aspect of God that bothered me was how it said, on page 92, that Jesus was limited when he was man. If we truly believe that he was fully God and Man (which ANY Christian should) then he had the full power of God the whole time he was on earth. He didn't have to ask God the Father for anything, contrary to the book when it said that Jesus had to ask for the power to do miracles. This also seems to show a discontinuity between the Trinity. Another aspect of the book that I disliked was the emphasis on the imminent aspect of God. God is both immanent and transcendent, meaning that He is beyond us in ever aspect, yet we can still approach Him. The book seemed to show only the imminent aspect of God, with the 3-some being all nice and friendly and close with Mack.

Something else that bothered me was how a sort of relativism was expressed. God calls herself "the ground" which is a very perennial idea. This means that God is the basis or ground of all things, which was expressed a lot by Aldous Huxley, especially in his book "The Perennial Philosophy." This idea was further emphasized when on page 182 God states that people from different faiths will be saved, giving the example of Buddhists. This is clearly wrong, in that we are saved only by grace through faith in God, therefore a Buddhist could not fall under this because they believe that there are many ways to salvation. It seemed that this idea of many roads to God was being expressed by the book, moreover emphasizing the relativism. A final thing that really bothered me was the conflict between God and free will that was repeatedly alluded to in the book. Numerous times Mack basically asks why good things happen to bad people? God states repeatedly that it's because of our fallen nature and the choices that we make, which is very Arminian (free-will). Personally I think that that question is one of the best questions a non-believer can ask. In the end of the book though it is stated that we can't do things on our own, that we need God, which is very Calvanistic (predestination). The problem I see with this is that if you say God forwilled all things to happen, the question arises of why would God allow such a bad thing to happen?

So, if you want a book to ponder or just a book to feel good about, maybe even shedding a tear or two over, then "The Shack" is great. If not, go find a nice theology book.

Ponderings...

2008-10-13T15:43:00.000-07:00

So... I went home this past weekend to be home for my 21st birthday and had a very interesting weekend. Lots of time to sit and think, reminisced with friends, and learned some interesting developments within my family.

The first part of this blog will deal with life, here, there, and everywhere (but mostly within my family). At first I really wasn't sure why I had come home for a mere two days, but as the weekend progressed I realized why. I though that it was just to be home for a "major" birthday, but in reality I believe it was so my parents could make a rather significant announcement. In case you don't know, my parents divorced the almost immediately following my senior year of high school. I'm not really sure why, but they have decided to work on some sort of course of reconciliation. Don't get me wrong; I believe that reconciliation is the ONLY biblical path for anyone who gets a divorce, it just seems weird to me. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure how they plan on going about this. My dad is stationed in Hawaii right now, and unable to come back to the mainland more than a couple of times a year. After Hawaii he will probably go to war college or maybe get deployed somewhere, but either way how do they expect to reconcile their differences if they never have any personal communication? Well, off that tangent, another thing that really hit me this weekend was a sense of nostalgia. My best friend Michael and I drove and walked around Yuba City for an entire day, not really doing anything. We remembered what places had come and gone in Yuba City, and which were new or which had just stayed the same. It's funny, the only time I really feel "homesick" is when I'm at home. The whole weekend I felt this weird sense of deja vu. I'm not really sure what it is, but it only happens when I'm back in Yuba City. I think that maybe it's a sense that I no longer feel at ease or at home when I'm there, but at the same time I always long to be up in the familiar areas of rural Northern California.

Onward to part two, which we shall entitle "Change." It seems, to me, that things never change, yet at the same time the only constant thing in life is change. I guess it's all in how we look at it. On the macro level things never really change; civilizations come and go, yet mankind, at its very core never changes. Yet on the micro level things are always changing; we learn a new truth about ourself or someone else, and we make an appropriate (or not so appropriate) adjustment. Take me for example; I really thought that I had changed over the past 3 and a 1/2 years of college, yet when I look at the vast scope of things I haven't that much. On the micro level many of my beliefs have changed and my ideologies on life have too. Going into college I thought I was going to be a park ranger, yet circumstances have forced me to change what I plan on doing. Something I saw as a really big change in my life was my ideals on service in the church and marriage. If anyone would have asked me a year ago if I ever thought I was going to get married I would have said no, mostly because I believed that I could be better used in the church as a single man (though it probably had something to do with my parents failed relationship). Yet over this past summer I gained some new perspective on marriage, dating, love, and family in general. I know believe that whether single or married I can serve effectively. I actually hope that I meet (or perhaps have already met) someone that I could truly love. Not that pansy modern thing we call love, but the real thing; being able to selflessly give of myself to another. I also someday look forward to perhaps having kids. Through the example of some families at Jenness Park and through my experiences with children in the past, I think I could be a great dad and could at least lead some little ones on the right path. Yet on the macro level I realize how I haven't changed. I thought I was over my childhood (and teenage) anger problem, yet I realize that it is something I will probably have to deal with all my life. Rather than throwing a fit or becoming violent as I did as a child, now I take that frustration and funnel it into mean, sarcastic, demeaning, cynicism. I realize that I have to deal with this problem, or face the consequences, to myself and others. Like I said at the beginning, things never really change, yet at the same time the only constant thing is change.

College, Christians, and Drinking

2008-09-30T13:49:00.000-07:00

A situation today reminded me of when I went out with my roommate and his girlfriend to TGI Fridays about two weeks ago. Today I was sitting in the hallway outside one of my classes, waiting for the previous class to get done, and two girls were chatting in the hallway right in front of me. One of them was talking about how wasted she had gotten the previous weekend. This reminded me of when my roommate, his girlfriend, and I went out to TGIF and we saw one of my roommate's girlfriend's friends with a couple of her friends celebrating her birthday, and guess what they were doing, getting wasted. I really don't understand it at all. People just act so stupid sometimes. They get drunk, act like fools, then have hangovers the next day. What ever happened to good, old, clean fun? What's worse is that they do so under the guise of Christianity. These people go to a conservative, Baptist, University, which prohibits such things on campus (along with being under the affects of such things), and yet they act like the heathens that we are trying to save and be an example to.

Beyond the "Christian" argument, why would anyone want to do stuff like that anyway? Though I am not %100 percent against drinking in general (though I vow I won't drink a drop of liquor), why would they want to get wasted like that, to the point where they won't even remember what happened. One of the best parts of having fun is being able to look back and see the good times you've had in life. I can understand people maybe drinking a beer or two because they like the flavor (much like people who drink soda or coffee, both of which can have negative affects), but personally none of it appeals to me. I don't drink soda or coffee, so why would I bring myself so low as to drink beer or other types of alcohol?

A news story I thought people might find interesting

2008-09-22T14:53:00.000-07:00

EGYPT SEEN THROUGH DUSTY LENSES

A gravestone carver's story echoes those of hundreds of thousands of Egyptians who went abroad to make a living and returned to a nation that had slipped backward in their absence.

By Jeffrey Fleishman, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer

September 22, 2008

CAIRO -- He keeps his tools in a torn sack -- a hammer, three chisels, a sponge. He works in the shade, bent, blowing away dust, writing names of the dead in marble. He's carved 1,000 of them, probably more; he stopped counting long ago.This was not his aspiration, but a dream changes along the way, and a man who starts out as a mechanic can end up carving gravestones. It happens. You find your craft, you take your pay.

"You need a skilled, sensitive hand," said Mohammed Halawany, sitting on a street of marble dust and hurried men, where epitaphs and holy verses are etched. "It took seven years to master this trade. The toughest thing is chiseling the marble around the word so it doesn't crack. One Egyptian in Germany wanted me to write a marker for his cat. Another guy wanted me to carve a statue of his dead mother, but we couldn't agree on a price."Halawany is 75, a slight man with worn trousers and a ripped shirt. His thin forearms taper to wide hands, big and rough, the color of chalk. His life, unassuming, working beneath a tree, is the story of hundreds of thousands of Egyptians, those who went abroad to make a living, watched their children grow from a distance and returned to a nation that, in many ways, had slipped backward in their absence. It is a story of good luck turning bad, of experience hardening into wisdom.He was born in the port of Alexandria, the son of a railroad conductor. He worked as a textile mechanic but in the 1970s he traveled to Saudi Arabia to work as a chauffeur.It was a boom time of oil money and opportunity when Egyptian men with shiny passports and cheap suitcases headed toward Mecca and beyond to cities in eastern deserts. It lasted awhile but then, he said, "the Saudi king got rid of Egyptians for cheaper Asians. . . .
"So I went to work in Iraq," he smiles, rolling his eyes. "It was 1980 and when I got there the war between Iraq and Iran had broken out and I had to come home. I was there four months, painting walls and laying tile. It seemed like 14 years. My toughest days were in Iraq, but my happiest were in Saudi Arabia. I had a stable job. I was dealing with foreigners and worked for a good company. They gave us an annual vacation with a plane ticket."All those years abroad had furnished his house in Egypt and helped support a wife and five children. He returned from Iraq with little savings. The reign of President Hosni Mubarak was beginning, and year by year, the simple business of living grew more expensive. Fishermen from along the Nile and farmers from its delta streamed into Cairo hoping for fortune. Few found it. Tenements went up at the same pace costs were rising; inflation ballooned to today's rate of nearly 24%, the highest in more than 15 years.Halawany's brother, a marble cutter, handed him a hammer and a chisel, taught him to carve squiggles and lines in rock and stone. Sometimes he'd make a sign for a mosque, but mostly he copied into marble Koranic verses and names of the dead handed to him on slips of paper. He's done better than many, earning about $110 a month, including the pension for his old textile mechanic's job. But it goes; the money goes so quickly."You don't ask a marble writer what's wrong with the country," he said. "You ask the president and the prime minister: Why do we have this high inflation? Tell the president to go to the poor neighborhoods so he can see how people are living, instead of him asking his secretary what's going on out there. Then he'll know. These are bad times. I get paid OK. People are always dying so it's a good business, but this inflation sucks away any profit."Many people can't make it. This is the worst time in Egypt I've seen."A man in the grave marker trade reaches conclusions about death and commerce: "No more people are dying now than before, but there's more deaths among men than women. Men are exposed to stress, I guess. I have stress," he said. "I support a wife, a divorced daughter and a grandson. My hope is to have enough money to go to the grave and to support my family until I get there."He hammers, he works. But there are names, no matter how skilled the craftsman, that cannot be written. They are the ones dropped on you unexpectedly, like his daughter who went into the hospital for sinus surgery and died on the operating table. Complications. Anesthesia. A blur of words. It was 1994. Halawany remembers getting the news, remembers how his chisel wouldn't move, how the slate stayed blank."I can't write in marble for people I know," he said. "It's too emotional. Once, I was asked to write for the husband of my cousin. We were close and when I got the chisel to his name I burst into tears. In the end, I'm a human, not a machine. I'm always aware of death. When I write the Koran sayings, I contemplate it."The shade on Halawany's street widens; the stonecutters break for tea and prayers. Sadaq M. El-Sayed's name waits unfinished in marble. Halawany will get to it. But it is a time to linger, to speak of those days in Saudi Arabia, an adventure born of necessity, but still an adventure. A man can leave part of himself somewhere, that younger, brash spirit that age, imperceptibly, chisels away."I'll write my own gravestone, and on it will be this verse: 'But ah! Thou soul at peace! Return to thy Lord, content in His good pleasure! Enter thou among My bondmen! Enter thou My garden!' "

jeffrey.fleishman@latimes.com

Noha El-Hennawy of The Times' Cairo Bureau contributed to this report.

A Learning Experience

2008-09-13T17:50:00.000-07:00

So this is my first blog since I got back from Jenness this summer. Just wanted to recap some things I learned about myself over the summer, more for my benefit than for anything else. The biggest thing I learned this summer was how bitter I've become over time. This bitterness was actually something I noticed the previous summer and I thought that I had worked it out, but I obviously didn't. I think that I just sort of suppressed it over the school year, and it came out swinging when I got back to Jenness. I was outright mean to many people at Jenness, and I know that I offended some people there too, which was completely my fault. I believe that this all stems from my view on Christianity and it affects my view on other people. I am anything but an idealist, believing that realism is much more efficient, but when it comes to the Christian Church, I am an idealist, and unfortunately we live in a fallen world, with fallen people, and this affects the Church because it is composed of these broken people. I've always believed that the Church should be perfect, and as such I've forced this borderline perfectionism on what I deam to affect the Church, and when the people and churches don't live up to my expectations I get bitter. This summer, that bitterness came out in the form of impatience and being easily aggravated with people. That's something that I'm going to have work on this year, BEFORE I get back to Jenness.

Patience. One word (and the qualities that go along with it) that probably would have made my summer ten times better. It seemed that I had a very short fuse this summer. We had a lot of newbies this summer, most of whom were fresh out of high school. Therefore, the maturity levels (or at least the perceived levels) varied greatly. I got really impatient with a lot of the staff, especially with many of the guest service staff who I had to work with on a daily basis. I know I should have been more patient and compassionate towards the other staff, and I'll just have to make a conscious effort next summer.

Summer Blog

2008-05-07T19:22:00.000-07:00

For the summer I'm going to be keeping another blog for my Supervised Ministry class. I may or may not post more on this blog over the summer, but I'll pick it up again in the fall.
Check it out at www.jennessjournal.blogspot.com.

Remembering

2008-04-19T22:38:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how much little things can remind you of the past. I've heard it said that our sense are, in many cases, the key to remembering past events. I was listening to some Trans-Siberian Orchestra the other day and eating a piece of pumpkin pie in the cafateria, and I was reminded of the Christmas season, but more specifically back in the days that my whole family would meet at my Grandpa's house for Christmas. Everyone from my Dad's side of the family would show up and we would have a full Christmas day meal. Unfortunatly as time goes by, things change. One uncle got a divorce, then my parents did, and cousins started growing up, moving away, and getting married. It's really too bad. I can honestly look back and say that those were the good old days. Kind of sad too, seeing that when I talk to other people, they say that these are the good old days (in that we'll be remembering our college years when we "grow up"). To me the good old days should be the time when you were (or presently are) the happiest, and these days are not that. I miss the days of junior high when I would sneak out in the middle of night to go exploring in the ditch behind my house, or just going down to the corner store to get junk food. I miss the days of just riding around town or out in the Buttes with my buddies. Those were the good old days. It's just too bad I can't relive those days...

Doctrine vs Opinion

2008-04-13T14:57:00.000-07:00

So I read this new article on the Catholic World News website, I don't completely agree with the doctrine they are defending, but it does bring up a couple of good points.
http://www.cwnews.com/news/viewstory.cfm?recnum=57781

First off, it brings up the issue of doctrine vs. opinion. Many times we disregard stuff that other people say, in regards to the Church, as a mere opinion, when in reality what the other person is saying is sound Christian doctrine. We choose to ignore this "slight" fact because it doesn't fit in with our view of Christianity or God. It's really sad. I'm not talking about little things or disagreements by church members, I mean big things such as original sin, the personhood of Jesus, the power of the Bible, or other things. That's how problems arise, when people stop listening to what the Bible and it's doctrine tells us, and start assuming that what they "think" is right is right. It's where we get crazy heretics such as the Arians, Pelagians, and other off-shoots such as the LDS and JWs. Just remember, make sure your doctrine is Biblically and traditionally sound, and don't just disregard someone else's doctrine because you don't like them.

My second point is that people need to be a part of a body of believers. The Bible is clear that we are part of the body of Christ, and how is this body to work without one of its pieces? I'm not saying that everyone has to attend church every Sunday (like the article kind of says) but we all need to be plugged-in to a group of like minded believers.

pax tecum,

For the Dead...

2008-03-29T14:40:00.000-07:00

As is my regular custom here at CBU, I spent the weekend doing homework and watching movies that happen to be on TV (well, I also played with my boomerang). For some reason a lot of horror flicks were on, and I mean like SciFi original quality ones. I came to a realization, not really grounded in the movies, just something that occurred to me while watching the movies; we pay way too much attention to the dead and not enough on the living. Don't get me wrong, I think we need to "respect" the dead and remember their lives, but not dwell on it. We spend so much time and money on funerals, cemeteries, and the likes, yet that money could go to much better uses. I mean, why would someone want a big elaborate funeral or memorial service and pay for a fancy coffin, when a couple of months from then no one will remember the service and that coffin will be six feet under. Think about where that money could go, to help other people.

I know that I don't want some fancy service; just a simple time for my friends and family to come together and remember life (not specifically my life). I want a simple coffin, buried in a simple graveyard, preferably a church one (I never really understood those "public" graveyards, just seems like a cheap imitation of what Christians had always done). I headstone would be nice, with the old school RIP on it. You get that people? If any of my friends or family are reading this, I want them to know this stuff.

I also came to the realization that I'm not afraid of dying any more. When I was a kid I use to be terrified, and I mean keeps-me-up-at-night scared, of the thought of dying. I don't really know why, but starting sometime last year I came to the realization that I don't care so much any more. Rather the fear has been transferred from the fear of dying to the fear of the afterlife. I don't care what other Christians say, we really don't know what happens when we die. We hope, and with good reason, for the resurrection of the dead and life eternal in Christ, but it all really comes down to that hope and faith in Christ.

Ghost Hunting

2008-03-26T21:07:00.000-07:00

I've really been wanting to do a blog on Christians and Ghost Hunting for a while, but have never taken the time, so here I go.

In case you didn't know, I took up ghost hunting at the start of the fall 2007 semester. My roommate and I were bored, was watching Sci Fi channels Ghost Hunters and thought to ourselves "Hey, we can do this too." And we did. We got an EMF (electro magnetic field) detector, digital cameras, voice recorders, fliers, were working on t-shirts, and even had a name ESP: Empirical Society of the Paranormal. To sum up what exactly you do in ghost hunting: we used the EMF detector and thermometer to look for "disturbances" which could signify, used the cameras to take picture to analyze later, and used the sound recorder to ask and receive EVP (electronic voice phenomenon) which are basically hearing the ghost talk to you. It was going to be great; but then it all changed.

At the time I was reading the book of Leviticus for my Pentateuch and Former Prophets class and came upon a verse that stated, "You shall not eat anything with the blood, nor practice divination or soothsaying." Knowing the context of the law, I told myself that it didn't apply to what I did. But that got me thinking, what does the Bible say about what I do. I found a couple of verses regarding this.
Exodus 22:18 "You shall not allow a sorceress to live."
Leviticus 19:31 "Do not turn to mediums or spiritists; do not seek them out to be defiled by them. I am the LORD your God."
Leviticus 20:6 "As for the person who turns to mediums and to spiritists, to play the harlot after them, I will also set My face against that person and will cut him off from among his people."
Deuteronomy 18:10-12 "There shall not be found among you anyone who makes his son or his daughter pass through the fire, one who uses divination, one who practices witchcraft, or one who interprets omens, or a sorcerer, or one who casts a spell, or a medium, or a spiritist, or one who calls up the dead. For whoever does these things is detestable to the LORD; and because of these detestable things the LORD your God will drive them out before you."

Now I know that some of these aren't in their proper context, but most are. After doing some research into the actual Hebrew words used within these texts, I found that probably about 3 of the words actually do with communicating with the dead. It was really the last verse that struck me the most. Part of what you do in ghost hunting is attempt to communicate the ghosts, and this seemed expressly prohibited within the law. Some would say that it's the old law, but when you dismiss the old law, what else do you have? The answer is nothing. We have to take these in the context of the original writings and see how/if they can be applied to today. I firmly believe that these specific laws apply to today. When we do something like communicating with spirits, it is in direct contradiction to God and His sovereignty. I've heard some really good arguments for both sides, those who do ghost hunt still and those who don't, but when all else fails, I choose to go with the safer route and say that ghost hunting, on most levels, contradicts the Bible.

Here are just some random sites I found regarding this issue. Most are biased, but still have some good information.
http://www.jesusreligion.com/ghost.html
http://photos1.ghostweb.com/bibleghosts.html
http://www.religioustolerance.org/divi_law.htm

Job and Questioning God

2008-03-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

For my Latter Prophets and Writings class I've been reading the book of Job. It's amazing how often we take that book out of context. We hear the story of righteous Job and his three not so great friends. Job in afflicted by Satan, his friends come to comfort him, they give him poor advice, and finally God restores everything to Job. The story really goes: Job is afflicted by Satan, his three friends come to comfort him, sit with him for 7 days in silence, they tell Job that he did something wrong and to confess, Job maintains his innocence, Job becomes self-righteous, another fellow comes and corrects Job, God corrects Job, and finally Job is restored.

We always use Job as the epitome of righteousness and goodness, but in reality he is an excellent example of what not to do; become self-righteous and think yourself better than the creator. Yes, Job's friends were wrong when they told him that he was sinning or the likes, but at the same time Job wasn't as holy as he thought. In chapters 32-37 another, younger, fellow arrives on the scene, and after hearing what the others all had to say, stated that God was beyond man and who were we to question Him. It is then that God steps in and kind of expounds upon what Elihu (the new guy) said. God demands of Job "Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell Me, if you have understanding, Who set its measurements? Since you know. Or who stretched the line on it?" From this point on, God basically denounces Job's self-righteousness. Finally, Job admits his worthlessness and folly, ending with God's demanding a sacrifice for his three foolish friends, and restoring Job's wealth.

Many times we question God and wonder why He would allow things to happen to such a good person like myself. To me, it is clear from this passage that this in-and-of its self is a form of folly and perhaps even sin. When we question God, we call into question everything about God. In response God demands "WHO ARE YOU?" Who are we indeed? What right do we have to question the Almighty Maker of the universe? God is so far beyond our simple understanding that we can never fully comprehend Him.

The next time you question God, just remember that statement and ask yourself "who am I that I should question God?" Remember, that God works all things for good for those who are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). But there is a perquisite given prior to this verse, we must love God and others, and do His will.

True Love

2008-02-24T20:05:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine made some comments on love to me, and I made a response, thought it was insightful.

Personally, I don't think I believe in "romantic love." The need for validation does seem to be the underlying reason for love these days. I prefer Huxley's idea of the complete opposite, charity. Rather than the receiving of affection and making you feel better, it is the selfless giving of oneself, for the other. Now I know that people would say that you are making them feel validated, and you, in turn, are receiving validation from the selfless giving. I would tend to disagree with that though. The very nature of selfless giving is the fact that you are doing it not to receive gratitude. I would argue that it is possible to give unconditionally, though I know that many would disagree. That's what love is, the complete, unconditional, fully giving of oneself for another (charity).

As far as dating goes, I really don't understand it, which is probably why I've never dated a girl. I know that whoever I end up with (if anyone), that I will make the conscious decision to "love" them. It all comes down to that choice to "love" them. People fall in and out of love all the time, which is why we have the crazy high divorce rate that we have now. People act on their feelings, and don't make that decision to love someone else. It all comes back to them seeking validation and that "feel good" feeling, and when they loose that, they no longer feel like they are in love, thus leading to the end of millions of relationships.

Now this selfless caring for someone else must be mutual, otherwise it ends up being a very awkward, lopsided relationship. People rush into things and never truly learn to love another person. When one person in the couple gives of themselves fully, and the other doesn't, the relationship is bound to fail. This in turn causes there to be a bitterness that lingers after the relationship.

All this from someone who's never even been on a date.

Waiting...

2008-02-23T23:41:00.000-08:00

Well, it's 11:41PM Saturday evening, and I am bored out of my mind. I've been meaning to post a blog on Christianity and the ethics of ghost hunting, but right now I'm way to lazy to do such serious thinking and writing. I decided to post something that I actually said to a friend the other day (which will come in a bit). I've been rather frustrated lately with a lot of things. CBU turned me down for a job as an admissions host, CBU still hasn't given me my refund from last semester, and I'm about to fail a class, for the first time in my life. So I've been waiting lately, waiting for things to happen, but most of all waiting for life at CBU to end. Here's what I posted to a friend the other day:

There's always something to wait for. Right now it happens to be the weekend, just to relax and do nothing, next it will be my tax and school refunds, then I'll wait for my youth group to come a visit CBU the first week of March, and after that I'll wait for my mom to get down here the following week to drive home with me for Easter break. I'm sure there will be plenty of things to wait for during Easter break, but after that I'll be waiting for the end of the school year so I can go to Hawaii. While in Hawaii I'll be waiting to get home and see my friends, after which I'll be waiting to head to Jenness. After that... well there's school again, and the cycle continues.Wow that was long, bet you didn't think I'd talk for that long? Like I said, there's always something to wait for. It's all part of being the type-A, planning, perfectionist that I am.

It's amazing what people do to rationalize life. Right now I really hate life here at CBU. It's a combination of factors, but most of all I think I miss feeling useful and actually doing something that I deem productive. Yet I rationalize it all by being pessimistic and just plain doing nothing; don't ask me how, but I am. It's really frustrating. I make up excuses for what I do (which happens to be nothing), which in turn only makes it all worse, because I just sit around doing nothing, pondering life, and rationalizing my doing so. It's all a horrible circle. I can't wait for the summer to get here so that the mundane cycle can be broken and life can at least seem to go on a little.

Simpler Times

2008-02-17T19:03:00.000-08:00

Tonight and last night really made me want to live back in the early 1900s. Last night I watched "The Legend of Bagger Vance" and tonight I watched "A River Runs Through It." I'll tell you what, those were some pretty good movies. "The Legend of Bagger Vance" made me almost want to play golf, and I really don't care for golf at all. "A River Runs Through It" made me remember why I want to live out in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of some forest. It's just too bad that there just aren't that many places like that anymore. It would have been awesome to live "back in the day" where I could take off in any direction for an hour and be in the middle of the great outdoors. Can't do that anymore that's for sure. Either you live in the middle of a city or if you can get away from it all, half the time the land is privatly owned. It's really sad.

pax tecum.

Jenness Park...

2008-02-10T21:55:00.000-08:00

Just a quick note to make tonight. I went to Jenness Park Christian Camp for the weekend and wow was it great. Myself and five other college-age folks from down here went up to Jenness and ran recreation/games for the 456 Winter Camp. Had a great time of enjoying the snow (and wow was there a lot of it) and having fun with the kids. Now I'm sore and tired, seeing that I didn't get a full nights sleep up there.
One things of note is the fact that we played Sardines, which is a sort of hide-and-go-seek game. On one of the rounds, rather than finding the person that was hiding, myself and another guy found the perfect hiding spot; in the wall. We hid in the wall for around an hour and a half, before finally coming out. It was crazy. Everyone else got pretty worried/aggravated and started looking all over, even down in the camp. I feel pretty bad about that, but it was really fun.

Assumptions

2008-02-05T18:24:00.000-08:00

I was going to do a post on being a Christian and a ghost hunter and how they relate, but something else came up, so that will have to wait until next week.
Assumptions, we all make them, yet for some reason they seem to be all around me lately. Most of these assumptions are regarding me over the past year or so.

Today I took my first Old Testament Ethics test. There are only 6 people (including myself) in the class and we were sitting there waiting for class to start, talking about our notes and studying. All of a sudden, a question came up as to what would be on our test, and no one had the answer. One of my classmates then stated that I should know the answer because I was the smart one. All I could do was chuckle. It's funny; I thought that the person who had made the comment was the one who was the brains of the class.

Two other incidents are somewhat related, even though they happened a year apart. Back at Yuba College, Mikey and I were taking a speech class, which we would always wait outside the door for the teacher to arrive. One day a guy who sat near me in class came up and said, "You know a lot about computers, right? Well I want to buy a new laptop..." at which point we began talking about laptops. So, I do know a lot about laptops and computers, but I know that I had never mentioned it to him. Mikey and I immediately turned to each other, at which point we both made the same observation. The related incident was just this past Friday on my Latter Prophets class. A group was giving a presentation, but they needed to get their stuff from a MacBook to the computer hooked up to the projector. Immediately one of the fellows asked me for my thumbdrive. There was no reason that he should have known that I had one, he just assumed. Do I seem like a geek to everyone? Don't get me wrong; I probably am, but it's just funny how people make all these assumptions. Does it really show that much? This gamer-turned-pacifist, computer geek, anti-social, complainer (ME) really thinks that people make too many assumptions.

To end this all, I leave you with one other thought. Don't make assumptions when you don't have to. Take my Music in Worship class for instance. Today my teacher asked the class when Martin Luther posted his 95 Theses. Being the church history fan I am, I knew and stated that it was in the year 1517. My teacher then said that I was close, but that it was 1519. Wow that frustrated me, because I was right and she was wrong. Too often we trust that what our teachers or other leaders tell us is true and right, but many times they're wrong. Remember that they are fallible people too.
Lets all try to not make as many assumptions, ok? Remember, when you assume you " make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me.'"

Them and Us (Part Two)

2008-02-03T12:55:00.000-08:00

This is the second blog of the series I am calling "Them and Us." These blogs are my reflections on the different churches I am attending for my Music in Worship class. Today I attended Arlington Ave. Nazarene Church and througly enjoyed it.

Actually, today was probably the most enjoyable service I have attended since coming down to CBU. I felt very at home at this church. This was for many reasons including: the congregation is about the same size as my old church, very similar demographics, and similar song selection (though I didn’t really know about half the songs). I do wish that there had been an order of service in the bulletin, seeing that I am a very structured person and life to know what’s going on. They talked about celebrating Lent and all that comes with it, which was refreshing, seeing that many Baptist churches do not celebrate the Church calendar. The people were very friendly, greeting me before the service, though I’m not sure if most of them realized I was new. The pastor also came over very briefly before the service and welcomed me and asked if I was new and as to why I was attending today. Something I did notice was the fact that there were no children that I saw in the service. Everyone was over the age of probably 15 or so. This could be because o f the older demographic, and I heard the pastor state that his wife was assisting with the children’s church, but it seemed odd. I did thoroughly appreciate the time of testimony as to what the Lord had been doing in people’s lives. I believe that more churches need such time, for the edification of the body of Christ and bringing Him glory.

Them and Us (Part One)

2008-01-27T14:37:00.000-08:00

This is the first of a series I'm going to call "Them and US." By them and us I mean other churches and denominations versus us, those of the Baptist tradition. I'm doing this because I, for one of my classes, am attending numerous churches of other denominational persuasions. Actually last week at Sandals was my first week, but technically Sandals is a Southern Baptist Church, though you couldn't really tell by attending.

This week I attended Calvary Presbyterian Church (http://www.calvarypresch.com/). I decided to do so because my Music in Worship teacher actually plays the organ there. Wow was I surprised by it. This was definitely different for me.

Attending this church is about as close to a “high church” service that I have ever attended. It was much more ritualistic than I am used to, but at the same time I thoroughly enjoyed myself. It was nice to hear an organ again, seeing that I grew up in a church that used one, but as time passed they transitioned to a more modern approach. The whole service seemed rather fast paced which threw me off guard with all the standing and sitting. There was also a noticeable echo caused by the use of speakers and microphones in the older style architecture. I really liked it though, it was nice not to have to listen to some preacher ramble for an hour, and the hymns refreshed my spirit rather considerably.

The size of the sanctuary also seemed to take away from the service for me, in that it could seat around 600, yet wasn’t even a third filled, with people spread out all over, taking away from the congregational togetherness feeling. On the other hand I did enjoy the fact that the sanctuary was in the more gothic old church style. It seemed the sort of place that I could just go to and relax in the peace and quiet for hours. The use of the NRSV bible in the pews is also a first with me, with many churches choosing to promote more popular versions (NIV or NKJV) or more traditional versions (NASB, RSV, or KJV). All in all I really enjoyed the service and hope to attend more like it as I further this project.

Haven't figured out where I'm going next week though...

The Church Part 3

2008-01-20T11:59:00.000-08:00

This is my third post on the topic of the Christian Church and how it is now.
Today I went to Sandals Church, which is located at the California Baptist University campus. Normally I wouldn't go there solely due to the fact that it is a very contemporary church and that's just not my style, but for my Music in Worship class I need to attend 5 different services (other than my own "home" church).
So I went to Sandals, and wow was I disappointed and aggravated almost the whole time. First off the music wasn't to my liking, which I can deal with. Different people have different tastes in music, but that doesn't make one right or wrong, so I dealt with that. The whole service seemed like a concert or show or something similar. They killed the lights and had the band come up and play music, music that I didn't know. I'm not pretending that I know the newer christian music, but for the most part I am familiar with a lot of it. I only knew 3 songs out of the 7 or so that they played, one of which was "We Will Rock You," which I found odd in a church.
The next thing that aggravated me was the preacher who I suppose was the pastor. He was a very good speaker, and got his points across well, but at the same time I think that he dumbed down the message of the Bible rather considerably. He simplified many things and did not support many claims efficiently. He also had a habit of calling types of people "stupid" or "idiots." Though these terms may not seem overly vulgar to most people, I don't believe we should call people these terms, especially in the church. They are demeaning and counter-productive.
Finally, there were some people sitting next to me who were just poor excuses for people. They seemed to be first timers at Sandals, but also appeared to have some knowledge and experience in the Christian Church. First off they were rather noisy, which of course fit right in at Sandals. Second, they laughed at some rather inappropriate things such as when the pastor mentioned spousal and child abuse, broken families, divorce, porn, etc. What is wrong with these people? Serious topics that we belittle to chuckles.
I for one will not be attending that church again, ever. Can't wait to get back to a church where they sing good old fashion hymns.

Life: Two New Revelations

2008-01-13T11:53:00.000-08:00

For the past couple of nights I've been going out around 8pm to take moon measurements for my Astronomy Lab class. Through these late night (for me at least) excursions I have come to two conclusions about life; one pertaining to California Baptist University and the other to people.

The first one is that for all the hate I spew and boycotting that I don't really do regarding CBU, I don't hate it as much anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm still boycotting CBU and I believe that the administration and many professors are corrupt, but beyound that CBU isn't all that bad. Walking around the campus in the evenings has let me see just how nice of a campus CBU has. It's nice to walk around in the crisp evening air and just relax, just let my frustrations slip away and forget, if just for a few moments, that I have a test or paper due the next day. Call it a sort of "me" time. I encourage anyone to get out and just enjoy the evenings, alone, whether with music or just peace and quiet with your thoughts.

The second revelation that came to me while taking moon measurements was that again, no matter how much I talk about disliking people and humanity in general, and no matter how introverted and anti-social I claim to be, I do enjoy helping people. Let me explain. I was just getting done taking my measurements (in front of the Yeager Buildings) and an elderly couple walked up to the front steps, one of which had an oxygen tank. The two appeared rather lost, and one of them stated that they were looking for the Presidential Dining Hall. As such, I pointed out where the location of said dining hall was, and offered to show them to the nearest elevator. They followed me to it and we parted ways. This got me thinking about how much I actually enjoyed helping these people, and how much I miss helping people. Further more, according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Need, all people need five things, one of which is the Need of Love, Affection and Belongingness. No matter how much I claim to dislike people, I still, sometimes, want to be around people, which became apparant over the Christmas Vacation during which time I spent a lot of time hanging out with some old friends.

Well, I hope someone can get something from this.
Pax Tecum.

Good old CBU (or how corruption runs rampant)

2008-01-08T00:00:00.000-08:00

So, at the Southern Baptist Convention this year I heard that there was some big controversy about the amount of money that the President of California Baptist University makes. I heard that this amount amounted to over $400,000, which is an absurd amount for any person to make. If the rumors were true I would have some serious issues with CBU.
So I decided to do some research.
I requested and received the records for the Southern Baptist Convention who owns and operates CBU. Within these records I was able to confirm, to some extent, the fact that the president of CBU makes over $400,000. Personally I think it is absurd. I pay over $27,000 a year to attend here and he makes that much. What about my education? Corruption runs rampant here at CBU and it's hurting us students. Imagine where that money could go and do some good...
Being the passive-defensive (though others would call me passive-aggressive) guy I am, I would love to leave this school, but I won't, solely due to the fact that it would cost too much. I would also love to openly boycott the school administration, but again I really don't feel like it and don't want to risk getting expelled or something similar. As such I am continuing my not attending or supporting any CBU athletics events or other affiliated events and I am also going to not shave, cut my hair, or shower until the end of the semester (well, okay, I'm still going to shower, I guess, but I won't shave or cut my hair). This may seem just pathetic, weird, or senseless to you, but it's what I'm doing and I'm sticking to it. If anything it just makes me feel better.

From the Mouths of Babes...

2007-12-29T00:00:00.000-08:00

So, I've been babysitting children again for the past couple of days. These are the same kids I use to watch in high school and the same kids Dan now watches. They made some interesting observations.
The first is regarding my so called pacifism. I don't really consider myself a pacifist, but I do believe that violence and war is wrong in almost all circumstances. I don't call myself a true pacifist because I do believe in self defense and the defense of others; I guess you can just call me some type of quasi-pacifist. So, we were watching some movies (I think we were watching "The One") at the kid's house and they had some violence in them. Don't know how it came up, probably something Dan had told them, but they pointed out how if I really didn't believe in violence, why was I watching said show. How right they were. Sometimes it takes a child's perspective to see flaws like that. I have given up violent video games, by I do watch violent movies still. Not that I plan to stop soon, it's just that kids can be rather observant.
The second incident was their observation that Dan and I have similar tastes in music. For all out differences and troubles we are very similar. We have similar (but definitely not the same) taste in music, and we think very similar. I think though that the difference is in how we view the world, which in turn affects how each of us react to situations.
How perceptive are children... love them and hate them at the same time. Thankfully I don't think I'll ever have any.

The Church Part 2

2007-12-23T00:00:00.000-08:00

Well, well, well... here I am again to vent my frustration with the Christian Church. Don't know why I even go, I hate it all anyway. Yet I will probably keep going and keep being aggravated.
I just don't get it. So I'm home for Christmas and already I have been asked to run the media computer and sound board at my church, twice. It's sad when there is no one in the church to keep the simple things going, like the sound board. That's why churches die. It really aggravates me that they asked me, how dare they. I"m not even a member or regular attender anymore, yet they ask me. Why not ask someone else. Blasted Nazis.
So I heard a couple of contradictions today in our Sunday School lesson. It's funny how different people say different things just to make their point. So, I heard someone say that God sent his son to die not for us individually, but for the world. This person was very precise is saying he did not come for us individually, that thinking so was just being self-centered. It fit very well with his points. Yet today in Sunday School the teacher completely contradicted this, and it fit his lesson very well. It's just amazing what Christians will say to prove their point. Reminds me of when my mom said that Satan is after each one of us, on purpose, specifically; which of course is bogus. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
It's also sad when a church will break copyright rights. You would think that a church of all places would follow the law, especially because Jesus said to do so in the Bible. I was running sound/computer today and I noticed that they were recording the musical portions of the service (which is illegal due to the copyrighted nature of the music, unless you have a special licence, which my church does not have). I pointed out this to the guy in charge and he basically said that he didn't care. Pathetic.
To end this all I'll leave you with a classic question... CAN GOD MAKE A BOULDER TOO BIG FOR HIM TO MOVE?

The Church (well mine at least)

2007-12-09T00:00:00.000-08:00

Went to church this morning, like I always do, at Magnolia Ave Baptist Church and I made some rather disturbing discoveries.
A man came up to pray, who seemed to be an elder or the likes in the church, and he started praying, which was ok, then I noticed that he changed tenses half way through is prayer and rather than praying to God he was "preaching" to the congregation. By this I mean rather than "talking to God" he started to talk in the third person, and to the congregation, not to God. Since when has prayer been for preaching, rather wasn't it for the edification of the self and communion with our Maker?
Also, the pastor, before his sermon, started talking about a petition to repeal some gender-related bill here in California, which I am all in favor for (besides the fact that I couldn't sign it seeing that I'm not a registered voter). The problem is two fold. First, is the church service the right place to do so, I think not. Maybe after or before the service, but to promote such a thing in the service, to me it takes away from it all. Second, as a Baptist church adhering to the Baptist Faith and Message of 2005, Magnolia Ave should follow the separation of church and state. Don't get me wrong on this, I do not believe in the separation of church and state, but it seems rather hypocritical of the church to say they believe in it and then promo some political action.
Third, the whole service seemed like a concert or show to me. Since when was church a spectators sport, for our amusement? The answer is never! Sometimes I miss the days of the high church services, like those in the Anglican, Orthodox, and Catholic Churches. They may seem ritualistic to most Protestants, but it does get rid of the whole "church is there to amuse me" factor.
Finally, the pastor of the church brought up tithing. Don't ask me how, seeing that the sermon was on Joseph and the birth of Jesus, but he did. Whether or not you know or agree with me on this, I have the Bible and history on my side when I say that "tithing is not necessarily a NT church occurrence." There is little to no evidence in the NT that the early church tithed, rather there was the concept of a "free will" offering. I think that though a great idea, tithing should not be mandatory, rather it should be the heart of the individual that chooses to give. This something that is definitely not practiced in the Baptist church which mandates that to be a "member in good standing" one must attend and tithe.
Any thoughts from anyone else would be great.

Just some thoughts from Saint Augustine...

2007-12-02T00:00:00.000-08:00

So, I was writing this paper on Saint Augustine for a class here at CBU and came upon some interesting stuff. Some of it is straight from Augustine, most of it is my interpretation and expounding upon Augustine.
"I find that I am, that I know that I am, and that I delight in that being and that knowing. This knowledge I cannot doubt: for if I doubt, then I am, I know that I am, and I delight in that. At least, then, I know one truth: that I doubt, and that in doubting I am. And so knowing a truth, I cannot doubt Truth" -Augustine
Augustine referred to humankind as "a mass of damnation" meaning that all people are doomed to go to hell without the grace of God. As seen in Augustine's life story, Confessions, grace was a very prevalent theme throughout his life. From his early, morally void days, to his ultimate conversion to Christianity, the idea of grace can be seen. It was through many of his own personal experiences that Augustine developed his idea about the need of grace from God to save the human soul. The Protestant reformers immediately used this as a jumping point for their ideas, including the absolute need for grace, apart from the works of the Church, and the fact that God predestined those he has called. The former became one of the hallmarks of the Protestant movement, to be included in the Five Solas, or key beliefs, of the Protestant Movement. This Sola, sola graita, means that it is through grace alone that we are saved. This along with another Sola, sola fide, meaning by faith alone, led the Protestant movement in stating that it was through faith in Christ and by the grace of God alone that mankind is saved, which contradicted the common idea within the Catholic church that it was through the grace of God, the intercession of the saints, and the sacraments of the Church that one could be saved.-Me
Augustine argued that Jesus had to have been both wholly man and wholly God in order to bring the gift of grace through his death and resurrection. Jesus was given to the world as a sort of mediator between the Father and humanity, achieving this by being in communion with the Father, or being divine, and being in communion with mankind, by being human. Without these qualifications being met, Augustine argued, there could be no salvation through grace; grace that emanates through the Triune deity and is given to us, sinners, in need of a savior, through the embodiment of Jesus Christ -Me
Rather than focusing on the theology of the issue, and thus causing greater confusion and debate, a person was to contemplate the idea of the Trinity and other such theological issues within the inner self and in turn look towards God for the answers, this drawing him closer to God. Drawing us first inward upon ourselves, then upward towards God.-Me

Inspiring Words

2007-06-27T00:00:00.000-07:00

This is one inspiring "devotion." It talks about how the church is Catholic, meaning universal, and how if one person hurts we all hurt (or at least should hurt). I was talking with my mom about this the other day and realized that for the most part we don't. The Appeal-Democrat had an article about a child who had died from cancer and I asked my mom why anyone cared when thousands die each day all over the world. That got me thinking, I don't care at all, and I should, so from now on I am going to try to care...

Meditation #17 By John Donne From Devotions upon Emergent Occasions (1623), XVII:Nunc Lento Sonitu Dicunt, Morieris (Now, this bell tolling softly for another, says to me, Thou must die.)

Perchance, he for whom this bell tolls may be so ill, as that he knows not it tolls for him; and perchance I may think myself so much better than I am, as that they who are about me, and see my state, may have caused it to toll for me, and I know not that. The church is Catholic, universal, so are all her actions; all that she does belongs to all. When she baptizes a child, that action concerns me; for that child is thereby connected to that body which is my head too, and ingrafted into that body whereof I am a member. And when she buries a man, that action concerns me: all mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated; God employs several translators; some pieces are translated by age, some by sickness, some by war, some by justice; but God's hand is in every translation, and his hand shall bind up all our scattered leaves again for that library where every book shall lie open to one another. As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come, so this bell calls us all; but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness.
There was a contention as far as a suit (in which both piety and dignity, religion and stimation, were mingled), which of the religious orders should ring to prayers first in the morning; and it was determined, that they should ring first that rose earliest. If we understand aright the dignity of this bell that tolls for our evening prayer, we would be glad to make it ours by rising early, in that application, that it might be ours as well as his, whose indeed it is.
The bell doth toll for him that thinks it doth; and though it intermit again, yet from that minute that this occasion wrought upon him, he is united to God. Who casts not up his eye to the sun when it rises? but who takes off his eye from a comet when that breaks out? Who bends not his ear to any bell which upon any occasion rings? but who can remove it from that bell which is passing a piece of himself out of this world?
No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were: any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
Neither can we call this a begging of misery, or a borrowing of misery, as though we were not miserable enough of ourselves, but must fetch in more from the next house, in taking upon us the misery of our neighbours. Truly it were an excusable covetousness if we did, for affliction is a treasure, and scarce any man hath enough of it. No man hath affliction enough that is not matured and ripened by it, and made fit for God by that affliction. If a man carry treasure in bullion, or in a wedge of gold, and have none coined into current money, his treasure will not defray him as he travels. Tribulation is treasure in the nature of it, but it is not current money in the use of it, except we get nearer and nearer our home, heaven, by it. Another man may be sick too, and sick to death, and this affliction may lie in his bowels, as gold in a mine, and be of no use to him; but this bell, that tells me of his affliction, digs out and applies that gold to me: if by this consideration of another's danger I take mine own into contemplation, and so secure myself, by making my recourse to my God, who is our only security.

Bloody Incompetence

2007-05-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

Why do people have to be so violent. Can anyone even tell me the answer, or is it just human nature? Makes me laugh, in Economics class I learned that economic theory is based off of the fact that people are rational. This is completely untrue. If we were all rational there would be no war, violence, etc. In the words of the great writer Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992), spoken by his character Salvor Hardin in "Foundation," "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent."And it is only too true.